Monday, November 03, 2008

Happy Voting


On this day before elections, I thought I would tell a few funny tidbits about what a horrible mother I am. Just to get your minds off all of the CHOICES we have to make tomorrow! Doesn't it just give you a headache to think of all the wonderful possibilities that this election day holds! Haha.

Proof that I am a horrible mom (as if anyone needed proof):
Today we went to the Fremont Indian Museum. There is a lot of hiking involved to see all there is to see. Gwen was pretty excited to see the Fremont Spider Woman, not a joke. So we are hiking and it's getting pretty steep and Gwen slips. I had a little heart attack while I jumped to catch her. Then we had this conversation: Gwen: "I'm okay Mom, I just bitched my bum." Me: (totally bewildered and trying not to laugh) "What? You just pinched your bum?" Gwen: "Nooo Mooommm, I saaaaid, I just BITCHED my bum." (I love when my kids talk to me in that tone of voice that says "You are an idiot mom.") The conversation went on for a minute while I tried to figure out where she had learned to talk like that or if possibly she thinks she made it up and it's just nonsense. And then the whole thing had to be repeated once the boys caught up with us. Joey is a lot better at not laughing at naughty things, so as not to encourage it.
#1 Proof that I am a bad mom (Possibly #1 of all time for me):


After the museum I was trying to figure out how my new lights work while the kids watched TV in lieu of a nap. Suddenly Gwen starts shrieking, not that unusual. So I wait for her to come and tell me what she is overreacting about. She runs in with her shirt up yelling something about Max. Still nothing out of the ordinary and since I can't understand a word she is saying, I patiently wait for her to calm down a little. Before she has time to calm down, my evil little monkey runs in from the other room, clearly coming after her and she becomes even more hysterical. I'm not even going to tell you what he was chasing her with. (It was a knife) She was not overreacting this time. Why does he have to be so dang tall? If I keep my dangerous things any higher, I won't be able to reach them. So I took Gwen to Joey because, frankly, she loves him the best. When I got back to Max he said innocently, "Whats happen?" And then he saw that I had his knife and said in his most evil voice, "That's mine!!". Good thing I lock his door at night. (More proof of my bad mothering?)

12 comments:

Sarah Jo said...

You are not a bad mom, kids are just mischievious. Connor has gotten in trouble at school for swearing and the other day Kadee asked me if I had puppy S#*! on my hands. I am definitely not getting the mother of the year award.

The Johnsons said...

Oh Suzy, that is too funny. And not you are not a bad mom. They are kids and they say the funniest things some time. I love hearing that other people have days like that with their kids.

Jennie said...

What a great story! If it makes you feel any better, my husbands brother chased another brother with a knife once. The only difference is that they were teenagers and knew what they were doing. Jameson told Paige today that he was going to kill her. Don't know where he learned that one. Maybe it's a boy thing.

Aubrey said...

Time to get rid of the knives! Yikes . . .that could be dangerous. I remember once when me and Brooke shared a room, that Jared put a knife through our bedroom door because we would not let him in. He never got to babysit again when our mom and dad left. Good luck with that little guy . . .

Nathan and Toni Southam said...

First of all, that poor bird! Ha ha, but I am very impressed with your cleaning skills! Second, that story about Max and the knife is hilarious! I think it's a stage. I remember multiple times Logan threatening my life with a knife and he turned out just fine!


P.S. you are an awesome.

kellyrass said...

Sounds like Jack #2.

The Tinney Family said...

I have a hard time laughing when they say stuff like that too. Austin told daniel to eat him he kept saying eat me and he says that when he wants daniel to bite his belly which is fun for them but he was in time out and daniel told him to stop playing and sit down and austin told him to "eat me" so i was laughing but apparently it wasnt funny and i almost got a time out myself since i was laughing austin kept yelling it at daniel and he was not happy!! LOL i still think its funny. oh and if your a bad mom join the club!!!

SevenVillageIdiarts said...

There must be some blogger award for funniest post EVER and if so, and I find it, I am nominating you. Maybe there is a cash prize and you can come to Disneyland with me in 3 weeks. With our without your crazy knife bearing/swearing kids. Ha, ha.

La Familia Garcia said...

oh wow, those are bad mom stories....but the good thing is we all have them! While I'm sure your not a bad mom, but thanks for sharing your stories to make the rest of us feel better.

Sarah said...

Hey, I know I was supposed to call you like 5 years ago and let you know about the pictures. I have a psycho life until the end of November. Can it wait until then?

Crystal said...

I can't believe what a horrible mother you are. And I am now officially afraid of Max too :)

Crystal said...

PS I'm glad you're doing the 5K with us. AND the other day in the store Daisy told me my nipples were showing. That same morning she could be seen running around the park with a plastic bag over her head and cinched around her neck...mother of the year award right here. AND I'm also a sucker for the scared excuse because I can remember that horrifying feeling of just knowing something was going to grab my feet. I can remember it so well because it still happens to me on a semi-regular basis.