Thursday, December 04, 2008

Home Invasion

Joey killed a bird. Is that illegal? Not peta illegal, but actually against the law? I know this blog is going to get me into trouble someday.

I am so incredibly long winded...I will try to condense this.

Who hasn't seen the movie Birds by Alfred Hitchcock? Joey has actually been attacked on 3 different occasions by this bird that insists on finding a way into our house.



this is not joey


So last week Joey bought a bb gun. I know... kind of extreme.


Two nights ago Joey walks into the kitchen with his bb gun. He doesn't say a word, but somehow I know I am not going to like the next 10 minutes of my life. I walk up to my room, turn on the porch light and open the door. Should I go on? No....it's too graphic.

Before I go on, let me tell you that this bird has ripped siding off our house. It poops all over my covered deck. My UPSTAIRS deck where there is no hose for easy cleaning. This bird watches me. It knows when my day is going well. It sees me get both kids down for a nap... AT THE SAME TIME no less... and it waits for me, to put my head on the pillow. And then it starts pecking at the wall RIGHT BY MY HEAD.

Back to the other night. I open the door and I can see that Joey has perfect aim. But no matter how big the bb gun is, it's still a bb gun and that was a big bird. It looks at me. It flaps it's wings a little bit. Its still looking at me.

So as I am looking at this poor little bird that I really do hate...I still feel bad. I instantly think of two things. The first is that when I was 9 months pregnant with Gwen, we caught a mouse in a trap in an important food cupboard in the kitchen. Pregnant or not, I knew Joey could stand it forever and I couldn't, so I had to clean it up. Was I going to have to take care of this bird too?? What would you do? As I am thinking of ways to solve this problem, I realize that we don't own an axe. Do you own an axe? My only other experience with dying birds ended with an axe. So what do you use if there is no axe? Should I go to my neighbors and borrow an axe? I can imagine that there is a lot of explaining that goes along with borrowing an axe in the middle of the night.

Just a little side story... a few years ago my parents had chickens in their backyard. Yes...it was on purpose. And yes, we are that kind of neighbor...the kind that owns chickens....and old rusty boats...and have grass in the back. I love you Mom and Dad...my blog is all about facts, not feelings. Plus, I put myself into that stereotype, did it make you feel better? So back to the chickens. A dog got in and mangled Ping, the chicken. But it didn't finish the job. So Hayden got the axe and put it out of it's misery while the rest of us cried over the loss of Ping.


I thought of Ping and the axe last night....but we don't own an axe. Should I tell you what we do own? No...the picture it puts in your mind is too horrible. But I will say that Joey took care of it himself. And I am glad. But I think he is still a little sick about it, so don't mention it. Ok?

**Disclaimer** This is not actually a disclaimer, I wish I could say that no animals were harmed. But I did want to mention that this bird is no relation to Mr. Bird who was previously found dead on the front porch. Not related.




10 comments:

Melanie said...

You have described my nightmare. I hate birds! They hate me. We have a pigeon that has nested on our roof and waits until I'm the only one in my bedroom to scratch on the wall and the window. Creepy. I can't say that I'd be able to shoot it though. I'm not against bribing or hiring a son to though! :)

Daniel & Amy said...

LOL i could end on that note but i grew up being that neighbor too. Not rusty boats but anything rusty is that neighbor not chickens but other animals that are annoying yeah thats me too. I knew i liked you for a reason. We can relate!

Loriannie said...

Okay, first the nose and then the crap yard. The gloves are off Suzy! That poor bird was in fact sent by ME! to watch over poor max!

kellyrass said...

Di he kill the bird? I need to read that again. I hope he did. They know what they are doing.

Steve Brown said...

You've got to do what you've got to do. Props Joey. ...I want to know what he used...

Aubrey said...

You and your problems with BIRDS!! What is it?? At least you have a husband who will take care of the problem they are causing you. Just beware when that poor birds friends get wind of what took place that night . . . . . Good luck!

Crystal said...

I'm so grateful for husbands.

Elaine Goold said...

Okay-what is it with you and birds??!! You have taken this to a whole new level. First the birds are just dying to get into your house and now you are killing them if they do! They can't win! Haven't you heard the song President Kimball talked about in conference once called "Don't kill the little birdies?" You better look that up at LDS.org and read it!!! And now you've insulted your mom big time - you are NEVER going to hear the end of this - have you ever read my comments on Sarah and Paul's blogs? Mothers never forget - we are like ELEPHANTS!!! Once you hurt our feelings - you'd better watch out - for the rest of your miserable lives!!!!We brought you into this world and we can take you out! (Call me, Lori. We'll talk about our traitor daughters!) And please don't ever ask me about how Eric's ferret died! (he had a huge cancerous growth and Eric was visiting Briana in Italy) Someone had to put him out of his misery. I won't call the Humane Society on you if you won't call them on me! Your blogs are too funny! I love reading them - and I'm just kidding around - you know that, don't you????!!! I really like to use those question marks and exclamation points - oh and dashes, too.

Layne said...

since you are all about facts suz, it was not a chicken but a duck named ping, both the chickens and the other duck remained unharmed, and it was not an axe but a large knife, you silly goose.

Lynn said...

to get the facts perfectly straight the duck's name was suzy. ping lived a happy life as long as i knew him.