Monday, January 26, 2009

Officer Barney

For those of you who are on pins and needles to hear about my awesome SPEEDING TICKET
here is the "official" version of how it all went down. And by official I mean what I told the judge.

Back in October my middle brother Layne was flying home from a 2 year mission to Washington. The kids and I are hightailing it to the Salt Lake airport to see him. (And by hightailing I mean driving at a very reasonable speed.) So picture this. We are in the middle of nowhere and Gwen says "I have to pee!". Well Gwen won't just pee anywhere like I will. You can't pull off the side of the road and expect her to ignore the passing traffic. One time we were driving to see my parents in St. George and Gwen fell asleep right after telling me that she had to pee. We were 40 minutes away, so my chances were good that she would sleep the rest of the way there. Not so. She woke up after 20 minutes, just as I had passed a rest stop. She refuses to pee on the side of the road so I pulled clear off an exit and wrestled with her to get her pants down as she screamed and kicked. I didn't win. She promised she could hold it until St. George. She did. But not long enough to make it into the hotel room and onto the toilet.

(This was after her St. George meltdown. She won't look at me.)

So back to our trip to the airport. Gwen announces that she is about to lose it. There is a semi truck right next to me and a car right on my tail. But there is also an exit coming up and I know it is the last exit for 20 minutes. What would you do? Slow down and get behind the semi? Or speed up and go in front so as to not make the motorist behind you more angry than he already is at your distracted driving? (It is not easy to change dvds, pass out drinks and retrieve dropped blankets while you are driving.) Well I chose to speed up. I got off my exit and drove a little way until you couldn't see the freeway. And it worked. Gwen agreed to go on the side of the road since there were no cars or any sign of life for as far as the eye could see. We did our business and resumed our trip. I was back on the freeway for about 10 seconds when suddenly I see a car right on my rear end. I almost tapped my brakes to teach him a lesson and then I noticed that it was a police car. And then his lights flipped on. Ten seconds I was on the road. I was going about 50 miles an hour by then. So I pulled over and this very angry police officer comes to my window.

(This was not the man who pulled me over, his name was barney or fife.)

It took me a minute to figure out what he was so angry about, but I will skip to the chase for your sake. Apparently when I decided to speed up and pass the semi, there was a cop traveling the opposite direction. He flipped around to pull me over, but I was nowhere to be seen. So he finally turned around again to try and find me. Eventually he saw me get back on the freeway and by then he was fuming. Apparently they do not like to be evaded. And there was no reasoning with him. He wanted me to take him back to the place that she had peed to prove to him that I wasn't lying! Before I realized what he was so angry about I thought that maybe it was illegal to pee on the road. Is it? So he gave me a huge ticket and treated me like garbage.
I get a lot of tickets and this one was going to put me over the top.

So after talking to my dad....I decided to contest the ticket. Mostly because I was mad at the way he treated me, but also because there was no possible way that I was really going as fast as he said I was. I tried recreating it on the rest of trip and not once could I get going that fast in such a short time.

Has anyone ever done community service to pay off a ticket? Maybe that is only in Oregon Dad. Cause the judge sure got a kick out of it when I asked her. I'm pretty sure the convict sitting beside me snickered a little too.

So what do you think? Should I appeal this judges decision who was so obviously in cahoots with barney fife? They will send it to another judge, but maybe in the same county. And if I lose again I will probably have to pay even more. But I was not evading this police officer. I was avoiding a catastrophe. Do I look like a liar? One more question: when a cop gets you going a certain speed on their radar gun, is it his word against yours? Or is there a record of that? Just wondering.


Nat said...

I think any officer who has kids would understand the peeing on the side of the road. The great thing about boys is that you can just open the door and they can pee standing inside the car! I hope everything goes well, and sorry you had to go to court. Jerk cop...

Elaine Goold said...

Don't ask me for any advice - I still cannot drive in California without fear of arrest because I got a speeding ticket there 8 years ago and refused to pay it. It went up from $75 to $350 and they say if they catch me driving in CA again, they'll pick me up and arrest me - but how long is the statute of limitations? maybe I'm safe to drive in CA now. Who knows? But I'm afraid to try. Ask Sarah - her husband is a lawyer. Maybe he has some advice.

Dunn4 said...

Holy Hanna Miss Suzy....I thought you had learned that you shouldn't evade the law when I had you in Young Womens....Oh, maybe you missed that lesson????? You are so stinkin' funny. I love to blog stalk & see how you guys are doing. You know we love Joey like he was ours, and those kiddo's are just adorable. Of course they would be, look at their parents! Rita

cara lou said...

Ok, I need your mailing address. I think you moved? Maybe? Email me at

Sorry about your ticket and bad court experience. I can totally empathize.

lap2 said...

I got a ticket tonight.

I HATE cops--I did before tonight, though.


Nathan and Toni Southam said...

I read this thing once that said you can fight to have the calibration of the officers gun tested to make sure that it is accurately reading speed. I guess you could request that. Maybe you will luck out.