As I was peeling an orange yesterday, I remembered something funny.
Did you ever worry when you were younger about your future?
I worried about my first day of high school when I was still in 4th grade.
I worried about being pregnant.
I DID NOT want to get pregnant by conventional means. HOW EMBARRASSING!
I even had a pact with a boyfriend when I was 16 that we would get married and just adopt kids.
I bet he was excited about that. Haha...
I worried about writing a thesis paper. (Haha...)
I worried about my parents dying.
Once I started crying on the bus on the way to school because I was looking at the bus drivers shoes and they reminded me of my grandpa and I starting thinking of how sad it would be when he died.
I worried that all of my grandparents wouldn't be alive when I got married. (As it turned out, all 4 were alive...but only two made it anyway. Oh well.)
These were all things that crossed my mind in elementary school...
Mostly on the bus...
We must have lived FAR away from the school...
But my most vivid memory was not worrying too much about these things because I just KNEW I would never have to experience them.
Does everyone think that they will die young?
I fantasized about it.
I didn't WANT to die. I just knew I was going to.
I hoped it wouldn't be too painful.
But I knew it probably wouldn't happen in my sleep since I would NOT be an old lady.
I remember writing out a will before bed one night because I was convinced that I was not going to wake up in the morning.
My 12 year old self thought it was necessary to put into writing who would get my underwear and my books... just in case there were any fights over my precious/meager worldly possessions.
I made sure to tuck the will under my shirt so that it was sure to be found with my body.
I may or may not have been a little disappointed to wake up just as healthy in the morning as I had ever been. I mean really.... I went through all of the fear and acceptance for nothing? But then again...I was alive.
So back to the orange. I used to think about what people would most remember me for.
The thing that always popped into my head was my loved ones peeling an orange years after my demise and talking about how "Suzy could peel an orange in one peel."
I cannot in fact peel an orange in one peel.
And I am still alive.
SO TELL ME: What kinds of things did you worry about the most when you were little?