Thursday, August 11, 2011


When my spoiled little baby woke up at 4 a.m. I realized I had an earache.

A bad one.

I realized as I ate half a donut at 4:10 a.m. that I couldn't hear out of that ear.

I took an Ibuprofen and went back to sleep.

At 6:00 and 6:30 and 7 a.m. it still hurt. The only thing that helped was being unconscious.

The baby doesn't like sleeping in the cot with me, so it forces me to quit being lazy and put him back in his own bed.

Then the girl wandered upstairs at 8.

It is summer.

Why don't kids get that?

BUT no matter how early we wake up, we will always be late for whatever we have scheduled first for the day.

Even if it is 11 a.m. swim lessons.

Both kids got to have private lessons at the pool today because no one else showed up.

But for some reason just as we were walking over to the pool, Max had a serious melt down.

It was embarrassing. He would not get in the pool. And he was wasting his last swim lesson.

Did I mention it was a private lesson? So the teacher had nothing else to do but stare at us, try to lend a hand and watch my superb mothering skills.

I finally bribed him with the zoo.

The zoo?

Did I also mention that Joey moved on Sunday? And it is hot outside?

But it worked. I hate that. It just came out like a dirty word.

I blame it on my hurting deaf ear.

I let the kids stay and swim outside after their lessons.

We got some lunch and sat by the pool.

They told me what a great mom I am. And how they've never seen a nicer mom.

Gwen said, "You think you're fat mom, but you're not. You're skinny."

Max said, "Yeah mom. You are like my alligator balloon when I blow him up to be just a little fat."

I tried to feed the baby and get him to sleep so that I could be a good mom and play in the pool.

But the baby acquired an aversion to right-sided mothers milk sometime in the night.

So he wouldn't eat.

We swam anyway and had so much fun that I decided we better hurry if we were going to make it to the zoo.

I told the kids that we would get an icecream sandwich on our way out since they are such good kids.

That was the end.

Gwen jumped up and down with a murderous look on her face and said she would NOT get out.

Wait. What? But what about icecream sandwiches and the zoo?

My ear still hurts and people are starting to stare. I probably threatened a little too loud.

Did I mention yet that I don't yell very much anymore? I do threaten inappropriate things now, but not so much yelling. We're getting there.

I finally had to walk away and hope that Gwen would catch up before we made it to the car and drove away.

There was so much more irrational behavior from Gwen from the pool to the car that I decided to do something drastic.

I grounded her. To her room. For the rest of the day.

And I stuck to it. Kind of. Except I did have to go to the gym eventually. (remember the half donut at 4 a.m.)

Gwen and Max have been sharing a room while Kayleigh and Viva share Gwen's room.

But they are gone today. So I sent her to her own room.

She wasn't "comfortable" because it was too messy. So I cleaned it. All. day.

And now she is comfortable in her confinement.

On a side note...what do you do with skirts that are too short to hang folded over on a hanger? Do they go with underwear?

What do you do when your children misbehave in public?

I try not to discipline them publicly. But if you were witnessing my life at the store, etc. would you just think I let me kids get away with everything?

Do you have a certain day you do laundry?

Does anyone have any experience (good or bad) with k12?


Kikal said...

I do laundry when I need underwear. I've only ever heard great things about k12...and it's expensive.

jasonadams said...

I am always trying to get Ash to wear skirts that are too short with no luck. The ones she has though she folds in a drawer

Elyse.Beard said...

I love you ha ha

You're like my alligator balloon when I blow him and he's only a little fat.

Thanks max

Bryce and Lauren said...

This lady I know gets a babysitter when she grocery shops to avoid the public scene just keep your kids locked up until their 18th bday like the movie Tangled!! I'll be an awesome parent :)

patty said...

Let me see if I got this right: skinny alligator balloon with swimmer's ear got no ice cream sandwich and no zoo because of a half donut at midnight trying to help a skirt with a hangover while cleaning out prison cell for orphaned child?
I think it all started with trying to sleep on a COT!!

The Belnaps said...

I totally hate kid melt downs..always happens in the best places right? Ya and why are you sleeping on a cot and sorry about the one sided boob feeding..that's just annoying...and sorry Joey has moved...when are you coming to richfield again?

kellyrass said...

I will email you about k12.

Loriannie said...

What the heck is K12? probably some crazy exercize regimen where you feel guilty when you eat half a donut so you have to do K12 for an hour.
I think it is HILARIOUS that you grounded gwen. In what universe does grounding work? (except that you got out of taking your kids to the zoo by yourself in the hot sun)
DXo you remember when i would ground you to your room and you would just read? Love ya!!!

Emily P said...

This is hilarious! I was reading this post out loud to Hayden and we were both laughing. I can totally picture you having this day. Max makes me laugh so hard. Please don't move. I will miss you too much! Take your kids to Melissa and go to instacare for your ear. Earaches are the worst!