|This was the picture that popped up when I googled "fake suzy"|
Joey texted me last Saturday and told me that he got a phone call and we had been asked to speak in Sacrament. My whole philosophy here in Arizona is "fake it 'til you make it". (Or something like that...I don't think I've actually said those words.) So things that are normally out of my comfort zone I am totally pretending are no big deal. I texted him back and said, "Oh good."
I don't like public speaking. Who does really? Joey does. Kayleigh does. Gwen does. They are weird. No one likes it. Since it will only be our 3rd weed in this ward, my job is mainly to introduce our family. So I stressed more about what I was going to do with my kids while we were speaking than I did about actually thinking about what I would say. On Friday night the subject came up and Joey told me that I really should prepare SOMETHING because we were given slightly different topics.
So I buckled down and spent my Saturday preparing a talk. It was mostly plagiarized. And it didn't do much in the way of introducing us. I thought that would be kind of funny in an odd way. Mostly it would have just been weird now that I think about it. When Joey got home he kindly suggested that I go another way with it. So I did. It turned out that we only had 15 minutes between the two of us and I took 10 of them. This is only the second time I have had to speak in sacrament in the last 9 years and we have been in 6 different wards.
Other things I've been faking since we moved here:
That I didn't hate Joey in high school. I decided it is not a very flattering story for either of us. So I changed it. Now we have a sweet love story and everyone will think we are so precious. Being funny isn't the most important thing.
I wear a lot of jewelry when we go places. I always feel like women who wear jewelry to the grocery store must have it all figured out.
I get the kids ready for church. I mean, they have always gone to church in Sunday clothes, but there have been times while sitting in Sacrament and I get a good look at them that I am embarrassed. So...Gwen is not allowed to choose her own clothes...not for church at least. And hair brushing is a must. Max is required to wear socks. So far it is working out. And for the last 2 weeks I have gone to Relief Society and sat by complete strangers, instead of in the corner. I don't know if I will ever be comfortable with that one.
I set up play dates with other homeschooling (k12ing) moms and pretend like I am totally comfortable when I really wish I could sit there and read a book while my children play instead of talking to a stranger.
I had resolved to truly be Suzy Homemaker when we moved here as well. To really just be a different person and quit making a joke of my complete ineptitude where domestic abilities are concerned. I was going to cook a good meal every night and be pleasant no matter what and keep a spotless house and drive my kids to karate and piano lessons and teach them everything they will ever need to know from home and to never raise my voice.
I didn't take into account that no matter what I change...no one else is going to change. Max will still refuse to eat anything I cook...no matter how long it took to prepare. Gwen will still cry every single time she sees a comb...no matter how tenderly I brush. Cash will still wake up at 4:30 every morning...no matter how tired I am. And inevitably I will still raise my voice...no matter who is listening through the paper thin walls of our apartment. I also didn't take into account the heat and how it would make me extra impatient when small legs take their dear sweet time getting out of the car at the store while the rest of us wait.
It was also a bad idea to mention my plan to Joey. But when he noticed that things were pleasantly different around the house, I was so excited that my evil plan was working that I HAD to tell someone. Of course then that leaves room for the other person to ask, "What happened to the new Suzy?" anytime things go a little of course.
So new Suzy didn't last long. But fake Suzy is still alive and well whenever we venture out into the real world.
NOW TELL ME.....
Have you ever lived in an apartment with a baby? How about a neighbor with a baby? What is more annoying: A baby crying at all hours of the night and possibly being allowed to cry for up to 10 minutes on occasion? OR hearing people fight?
Our neighbors got in a doosie of a fight last week. It was not in English, so we couldn't follow along, but we sat on the bathroom counter and listened to it for a good half an hour regardless.
Then they moved. I wonder if he killed her...or maybe they got divorced. Or maybe they were fighting about the move. Moving does kind of make you despise your spouse for awhile.
Or maybe they were sick of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of someone elses baby crying.
(Please talk to me. Can you tell by my rambling post that I converse solely with children all day long?) Sometimes Joey comes home from school before I go to bed. But not often.