I got married 10 years ago.
To this boy in this temple.
I got us a room at Hotel Valley Ho in Scottsdale for our Anniversary.
I got a killer deal at hotel tonight and even got an upgrade to a suite when I checked in.
Also I got hit on for the first time in 10 years while I waited for Joey in the lobby.
My parents drove in for the weekend to watch the kids and help us move.
So what have I learned in 10 years?
I've learned when I should keep my mouth shut.
I just haven't mastered the self control to actually keep it shut at appropriate times.
I've learned that marriage is a cruel cruel trick. But necessary. And who would do it if they weren't tricked into it? And better than any alternative.
I've learned that I am annoying to live with. I guess I learned that long before I was married (Sarah...Em...you know what I'm talking about), but I always thought I'd be a better roommate to a boy. I was wrong. I'm lazy and messy and
a hoarder sentimental and impatient and wishy washy and completely unskilled.
When I met Joey I also had the privilege of getting to know his saint of a mother.
She is my idol.
I want to be just like her someday and when I am having an especially unskilled day I like to remember that she became her perfect present day self through a lot of trial and error. (She told me that once, but sometimes I'm not sure I believe it.)
So let's get to the point of what this has to do with what I've learned.
The other day we were having a rare moment where Joey was home while the kids were still awake.
Gwen had talked to her Grandma Patty on the phone that day and Grandma had told her some stories and told her to ask her dad about them.
So Gwen tells her stories to Joey and he is loving remembering those stories with her. You can see it in his face. Then when she finishes he says, "Do you want to know what Grandma didn't tell you about that?" And goes on to tell even more details.
Then he says,"Do you know what Grandma Patty is really good at?"
And with that same loving smile on his face he starts in on another story and the kids are loving it.
Joey LOVES his mother.
She has ALWAYS been his best friend.
He idolizes her just like I do.
So this is what I realized in that moment.
I don't know how much sense it will make when I put it into words.
Husbands don't matter.
Of course they matter, but try to follow me here.
Do you think that when Patty's husband talks about her that his face lights up and he gets a grin from ear to ear just remembering funny moments they had together?
But throw a few kids in the mix and careers and bills and life and living together and everything else that comes with being married in real life for a LONG time and I'm gonna say no.
So husbands matter and you should keep trying everyday to impress them with new hair colors and straight teeth and learning to cook and other things that you have never had a desire to do if you were left to your own devices. They will never be impressed. But when your kids are older and they talk about you....they will be.
So be nice to your kids and if you can manage to make it through their teenage years without them hating you....everything else will be worth it. They will always love you.
(And once in awhile you will be lucky enough to get a weekend away from those precious kids alone with the person you chose to make miserable and you will realize that you really are best friends....when the kids aren't whining and complaining and drowning out your sanity. And someday it will just be the two of you again...too soon.)
Probably some people won't understand my point and you are shaking your head and feeling sorry for me that my life is so miserable. But it's not. I'm just honest and have no filters....at all the wrong times. :D
So thanks for choosing me Joey....I couldn't have found a smarter, more generous, honest, righteous and hard working person to go through this crappy life with. And you're pretty handsome and stylish too. And a really good dad....and teacher. Wow....I'm starting to feel really bad that you are stuck with me. Oh well....sucks to be you.
So now go ahead and tell me how wonderful your marriage is and what you do to keep the spark alive and how your husband sends you flowers every Tuesday and takes out the garbage without being asked and you never go to bed angry or ignore each other for days at a time. Let's hear it.
And after 10 years he still won't smile for a picture.
Unless he is with a fish apparently.